


Adventures in Babysitting

by PoorSapAdvocate



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, BAMF Eleven | Jane Hopper, Basically making Stranger Things Scooby Doo one Monster of the Week at a time, Best Babysitting Steve Harrington, Best Mom Joyce Byers, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Okayest Dad Jim Hopper, Takes place after season 2, The Hargrove Family has no rights (Max gets a pass), Written before season 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2020-06-23 11:57:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19700887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoorSapAdvocate/pseuds/PoorSapAdvocate
Summary: The Party decides that the best way for Will to fight his demons is to literally fight demons. Steve is somehow stuck babysitting. Also known as: Just give Steve Harrington his girlfriend and his boyfriend and his babysitting job already(on hold for now because of *gestures vaguely at everything going on*. Will be back soon.)





	1. Carrion Crawler

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Stranger Things was created by the Duffer Brothers and owned by Netflix. Any other work mentioned or homaged are property of their respective owners. This is a fan work that only seeks to entertain. Please support the official release.
> 
> Additional disclaimer: There may be some historical inaccuracies regarding the time period, as I was not alive in the 80’s. I apologize if I ruffle any feathers.

It starts, like most things in Hawkins, with Will Byers.

Joyce had been keeping a close eye on him since the events of last fall, even closer after the events of _this_ fall, but she could only do so much. She and Jonathan had to take up extra hours at work to help cover the cost of repairing everything.

“It won’t be much.” Joyce told him. “Just pick him up and stay with him for a few hours until we can come home. He’s a good kid. Most of the time he stays at the Byers, anyway; you won’t even have to stay with him all the time.”

“He blames himself,” Jonathan said, much later, at school when Joyce was not around to hear them. For Bob’s death, he did not add. “He can take care of himself, and we know that, but…he needs someone. Someone that’ll treat him like he won’t vanish the next second. Or like he’s dangerous.”

“And why do you think I’m the one to do it?” He asked.

“They all look up to you. Dustin told him about what happened…”

In the tunnels with the demon dogs (Demodogs. Whatever.), he does not add.

But he needed the money. Or, at least, he needed the money if he ever wants to get away from this shithole. He never really questioned why the Byers are willing to spend money on a babysitter when the whole reason they need one is get more money. He figured asking will end with him realizing that it’s not about the money to him, not really.

So Steve was there to pick up Will at school the next day.

“So what do kids like? Chess?”

Will made a face, something like he wanted to laugh but could not tell if Steve was serious.

“Mike’s house. We’re planning a huge campaign for the next weekend.” Will said. “We can roll you up a character?”

“Sounds like nerd shit.” Steve said.

It is nerd shit. He was stuck in the basement of his ex-girlfriend’s house as a bunch of little shits talk hard math and monsters.

He did notice that Will, though just as loud as the rest of them about everything else, shrinked back as they mention the monsters.

He also noticed the girl. The same one that had broken the demodog’s neck with her mind and was taken away by Hopper to ‘close the gate’. Name like some kind of number (the brats alternate calling her Jane and El, so he can’t tell), and wearing a horrible mix-match of leather jacket and slicked back hair, and old overalls and flannel. She sat to the side, not close to the action but not shut out of it either. She perked up at the mention of monsters, though Steve could not tell if it was interest or caution.

They were at it for another two hours. It was another 20 minutes after that until he was alone in his own car. And he could not get his mind off the damned monsters.

He finds himself at Darmoth. In a few weeks the pumpkin patch will turn itself into a Christmas tree lot, and people will go on pretending that monsters did not emerge from it a few weeks ago. Hargrove keeps telling him to plant his feet, but doesn’t he get it? _The earth doesn’t stop moving._ He knows what’s under there.

He stood there, he’s not even sure how long, bat in hand and wishing for a cigarette or something to take the edge off, almost daring for the monsters to show back up again.

Instead, he got the girl.

“Monsters.” She said, instead of “hello” or “what the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?”

“You’re waiting for them too, huh?” He asked, instead of “hello” or “what the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?”

However fucked up he is from all the monster bullshit, she’s probably worse. They expected her to be able to close the Gate. They knew they had to help her. Everything was on _her_. And where did she even come from? He would ask, but that would admit he gives a shit about what’s going on at the middle school, and that’s a bad look even for him.

“Not waiting.” She said. “Looking.”

She wandered a little bit farther, before she looked back to Steve expectantly.

“Do you have bats?” She asked.

He has more of those bats than he would actually like to admit. He’s actually trying to find more ways to hide them in his car. He grabbed one, flips on his sunglasses (it’s nearing midnight and the moonlight is nonexistent, but they make him feel more confident), and followed after her.

She focused on the ground as she walks around, foot occasionally tapping the ground for openings. She stopped abruptly, and with a jerk of her head, the earth splits open.

It’s not the tunnels of that monster world, like he was expected. It is only a few feet deep, barely up to his hips. There is no blue tint of a sun that provides no warmth or light, nor spores of poison that drift aimlessly in the air. It is just dirt.

He was kind of disappointed, until something leaped out of it.

The first was down before he can even process what it is, as the girl jerks her head and sliced it in half. The other aimed for him, and he swung his bat before he can see what he was aiming for. The skin broke, squirting out some kind of purple goo, and there was a 4 foot tall centipede with no eyes and rows upon rows of teeth impaled on his bat.

“Shit.” He swore under his breath.

“It’s dead.” The girl said.

“I noticed! I wanna know what it is!”

He stopped complaining when he noticed the girl’s nosebleed. It was nothing major, but considering they were in a field with dead bloodthirsty monsters, it made him nervous. He went back to his car to grab the bandana he used so many weeks ago, but by the time he got back, she had already wiped away most of it with her sleeve.

“The book. Mike’s book.” She said. “Maybe it will be in it.”

“Don’t have it. Never read it.” Steve said. “And one of these days, it’s not going to be able to tell us about all the monsters.”

“That’s a Carrion Crawler.” Dustin said, firmly, so sure of himself.

Somehow they all managed to meet up before school together the next morning. Even El, or whatever her name is.

“It’s a bit small to be a Carrion Crawler.” Mike said. “Aren’t they supposed to be like 10 feet?”

“Mike, what else is it supposed to be?” Dustin asked.

“Where did you even find it?” Lucas added.

“I did.” El said. “I was trying to contact Kali. But I found them. In the Mind Place. I don’t know how they got here.”

“But didn’t you close the Gate?” Lucas asked.

El nodded.

“Then how did they get out again?”

“Well, maybe they got out _before_!” Mike said.

“And we _missed_ them?”

“We were a little busy at the minute! Steve had a concussion and none of us knew how to drive!”

“I did _okay_!” Max snapped.

“Then why didn’t they run back with all the other demon dogs?” Lucas asked.

“DEMODOGS!” Dustin snapped.

“HEY HEY HEY!” Steve shouted. That got the others to shut up for a few seconds. “Those things didn’t last a second against us. They aren’t the Demodogs, or whatever. We’re stronger than them. And we’re gonna beat every last one of them until Hawkins is safe.”

There was less fighting after that. They have to get to school eventually, and Steve found himself carpooling all the brats to school. Even El, for some reason. It wasn’t like she was going to school (even with a spotless record, which he doubted she had, it would take a while to enroll into a school), and he had no idea where else to drop her off.

“You think there are more out there?” He asked, when it was just the two of them. He didn’t want to have this conversation with Will in the car.

El nodded.

“Anything like that big scary one that almost killed all of us?”

El shook her head.

He wanted to scream. Instead, he slammed his hand against the wheel and took a deep breath.

“Well, what are we supposed to do about it?”

El was silent for a minute.

“You have a bat.” She offered. “I’ll find them. We’re stronger than them.”

Steve resisted the urge to collapse onto the steering wheel.


	2. Christmas

The next week passes without any monsters. Then the week after that, then the next, then it’s the start of Christmas break. He’s still babysitting.

He found himself stopping in Joyce’s general store more often than he would like, looking for nails and bats and other things that can be used as weapons by someone who has no idea what they’re doing. He remembers how Mike scrambled for the first thing he could find at the Byers house and ended up arming himself with a candle holder. He doesn’t want to turn out like that. Especially if these little shits are counting on him.

He’s getting more of an idea on how this nerd shit works. Will’s some sort of priest that can heal people, Dustin is some kind of wizard who sings songs, Lucas shoots things, and Mike tells them to roll dice and what happens as a result. They’ve started to incorporate El or Jane or whatever into things, as a wizard who doesn’t have to sing songs. They’re still trying to figure out what to do with Max, who is trying to figure out how to make a “Zoomer”. 

They also keep trying to bring him into it. He actually finds himself benefiting from the extra time in the Wheeler’s basement. More often than not, he tries to work on college essays, but it’s harder without Nancy to help him out.

“Why don’t you just go and ask her?” Mike asked, one of the rare times he asks the room a question. “She’s just upstairs. Never does anything important up there…”

“It’s already awkward enough hanging out with my ex-girlfriend’s brother and his nerdy friends, I don’t need to address the elephant in the room.” He said back.

That brought the room down a little. It took them a few seconds to turn back to their game. This time, Steve catches that they encounter a Carrion Crawler. They manage to beat it (after being told she can’t just break it with her mind because it’s not on her character sheet, Jane sets it on fire with a spell) before Mrs. Wheeler calls down to tell Will that Jonathan is there.

Will had to pack up, so Steve was upstairs before he was. Jonathan took an awkward seat at the dining room table, but he stood the second he saw Steve.

“Thought you had work.” Steve said.

“Yeah, sorry, I got off a little early and I uh…”

He didn’t have to say it. Steve already knew he was there to visit Nancy.

“But I’m glad I caught you. I uh…I wanted to give you something.”

Jonathan held out a cassette tape, with a red bow taped on to one side.

“Sorry, I didn’t get a lot of time to decorate it or anything…”

“What’s this for?” Steve asked.

“Come on, it’s Christmas.” Jonathan said. “And I felt bad that I didn’t get you anything last year after you got me that camera—”

Steve’s stomach dropped.

“I was a shit last year.” He said, almost instantly. “You don’t have to get me anything.”

“But you weren’t a shit this year.” Jonathan said.

He sure felt like one. But before he could think of anything clever to say, Will rushed upstairs and the Byers are gone. He’s gone shortly after.

He got to his house, and sat in the car for a long time in silence. Eventually, he put the cassette tape in and sat in the car even longer.

It’s a damn good mixtape. Sure, Byers’ fingerprints are all over it, but it’s the kind of stuff he actually listens to. Michael Jackson, Rush, Pink Floyd, Bowie…

He never told Jonathan about the camera because he never felt like it was a present. It was an apology. He was an absolute shit before everything else and replacing the camera was just the right thing to do. But he could never swallow his pride enough to admit it was an apology. That’s why he asked Nancy to do it.

He thought things were getting better between them, before Nancy told him they were bullshit and went on an adventure with Byers to get the Lab shut down.

But it’s a damn good mixtape, and he’ll feel like even more of an ass if he doesn’t even try to return the favor. With a sinking feeling in his gut, he realizes he’s going to have to ask Nancy.

* * *

It’s not like they don’t realize something’s wrong with Will. The peace between them is fragile, even more so now that they know there are still monsters in Hawkins. But Dustin and Lucas won’t do anything about it; Dustin is too practical and Lucas is too pessimistic to really help. Max is too new, and even then, she’s not exactly sensitive to these kinds of issues. And El doesn’t know how to do it at all.

So Mike is the one that has to talk to Will.

It was on a night where they don’t have a regular DnD session. Mike wanted to work on the next campaign, where they’ll introduce Max’s character (they’ve finally decided on a half-orc Barbarian for her), so he biked over to his house after school.

Steve was there, on the couch watching TV. Mike could tell he felt exactly how he felt in the house where they had just killed a Demodog. He can’t even imagine how Will deals with it.

They don’t get very far in the planning before he noticed how Will tenses up at any mention of a monster, even as Mike brought out the book. He realized he’s going to have to be the one to bring it up.

“Everyone keeps acting like everything’s normal. They don’t know how it feels, to not be able to go home alone anymore, or wake up feeling that thing crawling around in your head.” Will said. “And now with the Carrion Crawlers…I don’t know how to get over something when it’s still going on.”

“Because we can beat them. We _know_ we can.” Mike said.

“This isn’t a game!” Will said, somewhere between a sigh and a yell.

“It’s _better_ than that. Because this is _real_. I have a girlfriend that can kill you with her mind. You have the most badass babysitter on the planet. And we’ve all faced off against these things and won.” Mike said. “You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like. But I want to help. We all do.”

Will was silent for a minute. He refused to meet Mike’s eyes.

“Crazy together, right?” Mike asked.

Will let out the faintest of smiles. It was more than Mike had seen since they found the Carrion Crawler.

“Crazy together.”

* * *

The next time he was at the Wheeler’s house, he talked to Nancy.

She acted surprised to see him there, like she didn’t know he had been at her house more often than not the last few weeks. Maybe she was just surprised that he finally came up to talk to her. He isn’t sure. He thought he knew her, then she killed a monster and went on a revenge quest to smear Hawkins Lab.

He tried to cut right to the chase. “When did you tell Jonathan I got the camera?”

“I didn’t.” She said, and she sounded sincere. “Why, did he ask?”

“He gave me a mixtape.”

“Oh.”

They sat in silence.

“Was it good?”

“Of course it was good! But that’s not the point!” Steve said. “The point is now I have to find him some great Christmas gift so he doesn’t feel like he had to pay me back, and I have no idea what to get him, and you know him better than I ever will so I figured I should ask.”

“You don’t know that I know him better than you do.” Nancy replied, dodging the issue completely.

“Well, you make out with him on a regular basis, so I could take a guess!”

“I don’t—” Nancy started, then stopped. She took a deep breath. “I never really broke up with you, you know.”

She said it so casually, like it was obvious. Like there was some great secret in there that he was supposed to figure out. But he can’t. Not for the life of him.

“He doesn’t want anything fancy.” She continued, when it became clear he had no idea what to say. “If you’re trying to get even with him, then give him something that proves you’re trying.”

“That’s not much to go off of.” Steve said.

“Nothing electronic.” She added.

He can take a guess as to that one.

“He doesn’t hate you, you know.” Nancy said, just as he was leaving. “I don’t, either.”

He knew that. It would be easy if they hated him, he thought. But he didn’t say it.

He ends up getting Jonathan a subscription to some photography magazine. He also got Nancy a necklace; enough of “her” that it looked like he cared, but not special enough that it looked like he was desperate. The next time he was at the Wheeler house, he ended up getting two more presents from Nancy; one from herself and one from the brats.

Nancy’s is a line of hair-care products he’s never heard of before. It ends up being good shit. 

The brat’s present is a mug, decorated with flowers and shit with the words “World’s Best Mother” written in fancy calligraphy, and the word mother crossed out and “babysitter” scrawled next to it in Sharpie. He threw it in the dishwasher, and an hour later it had come off. He still used it.

He spends his night curled up on the couch with a hot chocolate, listening to Jonathan’s mixtape some more, and waiting for the monsters to show up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah we can celebrate Christmas in August. Initially I started writing this story in December of last year in kind of a depressed haze, but even this chapter I didn't finish until early January.   
> I did actually write down the tracks for Jonathan's mixtape, but I have no idea where best to share them. Maybe leave a comment and suggest some options for me on how to post it? And, you know, maybe encourage me to keep writing this monster?  
> I still haven't finished season 3 btw.


	3. Bulette

Steve doesn’t find the monsters again until early next year. The Party found it first.

They waited until a day when Will could not make it, even though it meant they could not really discuss it until nearly a month later. It was a day when Will had another doctor’s appointment. (Not with the Lab; even if it wasn’t shut down, even they knew Joyce would sooner walk backwards into hell and punch out the devil than let either of her sons back in there. Just a normal check-up after all the physical stress he had gone under because of the Mind Flayer.) After a month’s worth of waiting, they all have questions.

“They were in the Mind Place.” El said. “I was looking for Kali and I found them.”

It was the same thing she had said last time, but even now El wasn’t exactly the best with her words.

“So what is the Mind Place then?” Max asked.

It took El another minute to respond.

“It’s dark. And quiet. And cold.” El said. “When people are there…they’re like smoke. They vanish if I touch them. The…’Carrion Crawler’ was different. It felt real. I could touch it, and it didn’t leave. I got scared, and I lost my focus.”

“Did it notice you?” He asked, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders in half of a hug.

El shook her head.

“What about finding anything else?” Lucas asked.

“Not yet.”

“Well, maybe you can try here?” Max said. “Maybe we can see if something’s wrong.”

“I’m not sure where we’re going to find a giant tub and 20 pounds of salt on short notice.” Lucas answered.

“It’s okay.” El said. She looked up at the group with as much of a smirk as she was capable of. “I’ve been practicing.”

Apparently she had been. Now all she needed was a scrap of fabric (Max managed to steal one of Mike’s dad’s ties without much effort. He should probably question that more), and something that could produce enough static (After a failed attempt to commandeer the living room, they found a clock radio). El tied the tie around her eyes, and sat in silence. Nobody really knew what else to do, so they sat in silence as well.

When did El practice this? They had talked a little about what happened the last year: she was staying with Hopper until she wasn’t, she lived with someone named Kali until she had to leave, she listened to every one of his messages but was never able to answer back. Staying in Hopper’s shack mostly on her own for a year was certainly not the worst living experience she has had. Still, Mike could not help but think of all the things he had wished they could do together with that time.

“So…” Max said, breaking the silence. “Should we say anything, or—”

She stopped as El let out a loud gasp as she struggled for air. It took her a minute to rip off her blindfold and stand up.

“School.” She said. “There’s a monster at the school.”

Dustin spoke for all of them when he swore under his breath.

They didn’t exactly leave the house with a plan in mind. They barely had a way to get there; the three of them had their bikes, but El had to ride on the back of Mike’s bike and Max struggled to keep up with them on her skateboard. They didn’t even think of bringing weapons, or calling Steve or Nancy or even Jonathan. The most they did was shout that they were heading to Will’s house for a bit as they were halfway out the door. 

It wasn’t the first time they had been at the school after hours, not even the first time with El. It never stopped feeling weird, though, in a way that it felt like a completely different building after dark. 

“You know, this is the second time we’ve fought a monster at the school.” Dustin said. “I’m just saying, one of these days, they’re actually going to destroy it and I’m _not_ going to feel sorry about it.”

El didn’t know her way around the school very well, so it took them a few minutes to head in the right direction. It became clear where they were headed once they saw the trail of bumps in the floor panels, like something had been clawing its way through underground.

The kitchen was torn apart. Floor tiles and appliances had been ripped to shreds, scattered across the floor like trash. Food, too, had been strewed about the kitchen, but not randomly like the others. Fruits, vegetables, and breads were thrown about, inspected but discarded. It was clear that whoever did this was interested in the meats—sandwich meats, burger patties, hot dogs--leaving behind a bloody and juicy trail that lead them right to the monster.

It was no bigger than a wolf, but it was hard to see what it really looked like. Its entire body had been covered in thick metal plates. Only a bone-like appendage that stuck from its backside was left uncovered.

“Bulette.” Dustin breathed.

The door behind them slammed shut, and the Bulette turned its head towards them. Instinctively, El’s head snapped to the side. There was a sickening crack in the air, but not of the Bulette’s neck snapping. Rather, it was the sound of armor plates snapping together.

“You can’t just snap its neck!” Dustin said. “Its armor class is way too high for that!”

“I don’t care about its stinking armor class!” Lucas said.

The Bulette charged towards them. It would have kept charging, had it not been interrupted by the stream of fire exhaust spray sprayed in its face.

“Run!” Max said, in a way that sounded like she was surprised they had not done that before. She only stayed behind another second to throw the rest of the fire extinguisher at the monster.

They ran, and they kept running until they reached the AV room. Though none of them heard the sounds of the bulette burrowing behind them, they still climbed up onto the chairs and table for safety.

“What did you call it?” Max asked, once she caught her breath.

“Bulette. It’s also called a land-shark.” Dustin said. “It only lives to eat, and attacks anything it regards as edible. It uses its tremorsense to detect movement.”

“Alright, but how do we fight it?” Lucas asked.

“Magic?” Mike suggested.

“Oh, _great_!”

“Armor’s too thick.” El said. “I need to get past it.”

“Right. Any ideas?” Mike asked.

The five fell silent.

“Steve might know.” Dustin said. “We should have asked him to come.”

“Well, it’s a little late for that.” Lucas said.

“We can call him.” Mike said. “There’s a phone in the office. If one of us can make it there—”

“I’ll go.” El said.

She said it so firmly, so confidently, that nobody wanted to point out that she had no idea where the office was. So Mike decided to go with her.

“How did you learn to do that?” He asked on the way. “With the TV, I mean. I mean, when did you get so good at using your powers?”

“Kali taught me.” El said.

“You keep mentioning her, but you never talk about her. When did you meet? What was she like?”

El slowed down, lost in thought.

“I left Hopper, a little before I closed the Gate.” El said. “I went to visit Mama. She told me about Kali.”

“So she’s your sister, then?” Mike asked.

El nodded.

“She’s strong. Bitchin’.” El said. “But she’s scared. She was scared to lose me. She was scared to lose anyone. So she lost herself. She did Bad Things to stop the Bad Men. It’s…hard to talk about. I’m angry about what she did, but also…scared.”

“That just means you care about her.” Mike said.

“Kali said that her anger is her power.” El said. “I don’t think that’s true.”

Mike wanted to ask what she meant by that, but they had reached the office. Mike ended up making the call (El had used a phone before, but only once).

Ten minutes later, Steve Harrington stormed through the halls of Hawkins Elementary, bat at his side and bandana protecting his hair.

“We’re talking about an armor class of 17, constitution of 21--” Dustin was telling him.

“Non-nerd talk, please?” Steve asked.

“It’s covered in thick scales that El can’t break on her own.” Lucas said.

“Alright, then we’re going to have to find a way to break them for her.” Steve said.

“We know.” Max said. “That’s why we called you.”

“Right. Well then…” Steve seemed to think about it.

“I can hold it back.” Jane said. “We just need something sharp to break its back.”

“Then all I need is this!” Steve said, holding up his nail-studded bat.

“Wait, our whole plan is to hit it with a bat?” Max asked.

“I’m sorry, do you have a better plan?” Steve asked.

She didn’t answer, which told him she didn’t. Neither did he.

It was just him and Jane that went to hunt down the Bulette. The little shits had to stay safe. He felt bad enough about bringing Jane along, but it was pretty clear that she was already way stronger than he could ever hope to be.

The Bulette was exactly where they left it, and it was still mad. It charged towards them, jumped—

It froze in the air as Jane held it still.

“Now!” Jane said.

Steve swung. The Bulette crashed into the ground. Steve pinned it down with his foot and pried the nails from its back. The nails had pierced the armor, making pinprick holes and web-like cracks. He had hoped it would do a bit more, but he could make do.

He ripped apart what was left. It took longer than he would have liked. The Bulette started to free itself.

“Jane!”

There was a sickening crack as the Bulette was torn apart, and the battle was over.

It was about an hour later, once they got rid of the body and cleaned up the kitchen to the best of their abilities, when they piled into Steve’s car.

“Alright, you little shits, ground rules.” Steve said. “Number 1: No fighting monsters. Number 2: If you’re going to fight monsters, tell me about it first.”

“What about Nancy?” Mike asked.

“You can ask Nancy if you can’t find me first.” His ex-girlfriend was a terrifying force of nature and he was just going to have to live with it.

“What about Jonathan?” Lucas asked.

“Maybe. Rule 3…” He ran out of things to lecture them about. “…Not on school nights.”

“Really?” Mike asked.

“Yes, really! If any of you shits get your ass kicked by a monster, I’m the one gonna get blamed for it!”

“You really do care about us.” Max said sarcastically.

He did, and he hated it.


	4. Black Pudding

Despite the fact that Steve is literally paid to hang out with Will, it’s Dustin he spends the most time with. He’s the only one that goes to his house on his own, at least once a week. They talk about girls, and haircare, and monsters, and other dorky things. He gives him a walkie talkie that connects to the rest of the shitheads, and teaches him how to use it. It’s supposed to be in case anyone sees anything, but most of the time they just talk about dorky shit. He still listens, though.

This week, Dustin is on a mission.

“I’m not playing your nerd shit!” Steve said.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s nerd shit!”

“But Max and El are playing!”

“ _Because they’re nerds_!”

“Yeah, but you hang out with us all the time, so who’s the real nerd?”

Damn. Got him there.

“Come on, we already fight monsters in real life, what’s the harm of doing it in a controlled setting? Besides, it could help you learn more about how to fight them. It’ll be like…battle tactics!”

Damn damn. That was actually a good point.

“We can get you a cool sword?”

“…fine.” Steve grumbled.

Dustin’s face lit up like Christmas lights wrapped around the Byers' house. He ran back for his backpack and pulled out a book thicker than his face and a binder.

“Jesus, Dustin, I already don’t do my actual homework, you want me to do _more_?”

“It’s okay, I’ll walk you through it!” Dustin leafed through the binder until he pulled out a sheet of paper. “Now what’s your name?”

“Steve.”

“No, your _character_ name!”

“I don’t give a shit! Steve! Sir Steve the Brave!”

Dustin scowled, but wrote it down anyway.

“Character alignment?”

“Annoyed.”

“ ‘Chaotic good’…Class?”

“Hawkins High 1985.”

“No! A class is like who you are. What kind of role you fill in the group. Like I’m the Bard, Mike’s the DM but when he plays he’s a Fighter, Will’s the Cleric, Lucas is the Ranger, El’s the Mage, and Max is the Barbarian. So…what are you?”

What _was_ he? It was something he had been thinking about since last year, when he had humiliated Nancy like that. It was something he had been thinking about since Nancy dumped him. It was something he was thinking about since Hargrove had kicked his ass. It was something he was thinking about since he was adopted by a bunch of kids.

“Just…write down whatever uses the best sword.”

“ ‘Fighter’!”

The hiss of static began to fill the air between them. The TV and stereo around Steve’s living room had snapped to life. Instinctively, Dustin pulled his walkie talkie out of his bag.

“Did it work?” Jane’s voice came from everywhere. “Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, El, we can hear you. Over.” Dustin said.

“Monster. I think.” Jane said.

“What do you mean you _think_ you found a monster? Can’t you tell from how terrifying it is? With like…tentacles and exposed muscle and shit?”

“Hmm? Oh, sorry Steve, I didn’t have my hand on the button.” Dustin said. “Okay go.”

“We’re on our way. Where is it?” Steve asked.

“And say over!” Dustin said.

“Fuck off!”

“In the woods. Um…it’s near Hopper’s cabin. I’ll meet you there.” El said.

“Say over!”

Jane said nothing.

“Pack up your nerd shit, let’s move.” Steve said.

It did not take them very long to drive there, but it did take a minute to find the damn cabin. Jane was, for some reason, waiting for them there.

“Wait, why are you here? Where’s the monster?” Steve said as he tied the bandana around his neck.

“It’s…not an emergency.” Jane said.

“It’s a _monster_! Of course that means it’s an emergency.”

Jane flinched. Shit. He had to watch his damn mouth around these kids.

“Just show me where it is.” Steve said, doing his best to keep his voice down.

It was only five minutes away. It took less than that before they saw it. It was as tall as the trees around it, and almost as wide as Hopper’s cabin. But as for what it was…

“ _That’s_ the monster?” Steve asked. “It looks like a giant Jello mold!”

It was more like blood than Jello, so thick with muscle and sinew that it was nearly black. But still, not exactly anything like the demodogs he was expecting.

“There’s always room for more Jello.” Dustin said sagely.

“It’s definitely Upside-Down.” Jane said. “But it’s not moving. Or really doing anything. But it’s too heavy for me to move on my own.”

Steve readjusted his glove and poked his hand towards it. It felt like hitting a brick wall.

“Well, if we can’t move it, maybe we can burn it.” Dustin said.

“I’m not letting you control fire!”

“Aw!”

But that was a good idea. Would probably smell awful, but what other choice did they have? Now where could they get fire? He doubted his lighter would be strong enough.

He ran a hand through his hair idly as he concentrated, and then he realized.

“I need hairspray!”

“Is now the time—” Dustin started. He was cut off when Steve grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him along.

“Jane, you stay watch.” Steve said. “We’ll be back in fifteen!”

Jane looked at them, then to the thing, and shrugged. Not like she had to do much.

Like hell was he using any of his good shit on a monster. They drove into town, and before he realized it he was at the general store. Joyce’s general store. That Jonathan was at for some reason.

Shit.

“Hairspray, spray cans, cheapest shit you can find.” Steve murmured as he snuck a $20 into Dustin’s hand.

“How much?” Dustin asked. 

“Hey, Steve! Haven’t seen you in a bit!” Jonathan called as they were spotted.

“Hey! Hey…” Steve shoved Dustin aside and tried to look casual. “…hey…”

“Hanging out with Dustin today?” Jonathan asked.

“Well, you know me…you pay me to babysit.”

He could woo any girl in Hawkins High School and yet Jonathan fucking Byers was making him nervous.

“Not Dustin.” Jonathan said. “He’s a good kid, though. You must be popular.”

Dustin stood in the aisle behind him, arms full of cans of hairspray, mouthing “what the fuck?”. Steve tried his best to shoo him away without drawing too much attention.

“Hey, Nance and I are gonna go out to dinner and look over college applications. You wanna join us?”

Even Joyce was giving him a look now, simultaneously confused but _somehow_ knowing. How could you even combine those two? It wasn’t fair.

“I’m…uh…babysitting.”

He didn’t have time to justify that claim. Dustin paid for the cans, practically throwing the crumpled-up bill at Joyce as he struggled with the cans in his hands. They dashed for the door, didn’t say a word to each other until they were safely inside his truck.

“What the hell what that all about?” Dustin yelled, rightfully so.

“I don’t know, I panicked!” Steve said.

“What, because of _Jonathan_? You realize this is the same guy that bought us ice cream when we ruined a whole roll of film of his, right?”

“Yes I—what?” He hadn’t heard _that_ story before.

“My point is, Jonathan’s like the nicest guy we know. Why worry about him?”

“I know! It’s dumb, alright? Can we just go?” Steve said, forgetting he was the one behind the wheel.

Dustin was silent for a moment, sighing heavily as they backed out of the store.

“It’s a Nancy thing, right?” He finally asked once they were on the road, away from where Jonathan might come out and hear them.

“Yeah.” It wasn’t a lie, technically.

“You don’t have to blame Jonathan for that. You know that, right?”

“I’m not blaming him, I’m…” Steven didn’t have the words to finish. He didn’t blame Jonathan. He didn’t even blame Nancy. He wasn’t angry at them, no matter how easy it was to be angry. No, what he felt was a far deeper emotion, and if he unpacked it now, he would have to unpack his whole heart.

Dustin didn’t ask any more questions, thankfully. They drove back to the cabin in silence.

Tommy had shown him the trick, back when they were Dustin’s age (little shit years old). All they needed was a spray can and their dad’s lighters, and they had an instant flamethrower. None of Steve’s army toys survived that discovery.

The monster(?) burned just as easily. A putrid smell, like deep-frying a copse, filled the air. Thick, visceral goop tarred the grounds. It was the coolest thing El and Dustin had ever seen.

It took nearly an hour and five spray cans before the thing finally melted completely, leaving behind a bloody puddle that they managed to mostly clean up with a shovel and trash bags.

“Look,” Dustin said as he climbed into the truck. “I’m not exactly an expert on these things. But you helped me out with the Snow Ball, even if none of that advice worked—”

“What do you mean, _none_ of it worked--”

“So I should help you out too.” Dustin said. “If you ever need to talk about Nancy, or Jonathan, or anything really, I’m open. And you got my walkie talkie, so not knowing how to contact me isn’t an excuse!”

He appreciated it. He really did. It was probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for him. But that was the problem. Jonathan and Nancy had _hurt_. He didn’t want to lose anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't seen season 3 yet. I watched the first episode and it was just kind of...meh. But if I'm gonna get serious about finishing this again, WHICH I AM, then I should probably pick a day to binge it.


	5. He Who Fights Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: This chapter contains canon-typical references to child abuse, a character sustaining a minor injury, and a depiction of a character calming himself down from a panic attack. There will be a chapter summary provided in the end notes section for those who wish to avoid such material.

Tuesday nights, parents and homework permitting, were their date nights. And by “date”, they mean “go to the arcade and spend $5 on rootbeer and games”. It was perfect for them; Max had sworn up and down after the Snow Ball that she would never do anything fancy again, and now Lucas could kick the butts of any of the original Party Members in DigDug (but not Max. Max would never let him get better at a game that she was. He was surprisingly okay with that.)

They were working on learning how to play the new “Ghost ‘n Goblins” game when Max brought it up.

“Stalkers.”

She threw the term so casually around them that it almost took Lucas a minute to realize she wasn’t talking about him.

“Wait, seriously?”

“I think. I hear them at night, sneaking around outside. Can’t ever find them, though.” She said. “ I think they might be more monsters, but I don’t know the monster handbook well enough to figure out what they are. You got any ideas?”

He had plenty, but just the term “stalker” and the fact she couldn’t see them was enough to make an educated guess.

“Have you told the others yet?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know if they _are_ monsters yet.” Max said. “Maybe they’re just weirdos who wander around the woods at night looking for monsters.”

“Well, how about we stop by your house tonight? And check it out together before we call anyone else in?”

He expected a wry smile, a nod, anything other than her eyes wide with fear. She darted out the door before he could say anything else.

Well, it made sense, he realized hours later as he arrived home. Despite what his mom told him to do, he never took Max back to her door. They never went within 50 feet of her house if they could avoid it. They both knew Billy was there. No wonder she was afraid.

He couldn’t fight Billy, he thought as his head collapsed into his pillow, but he has had previous experience fighting real monsters.

It was a simple plan, all things considered. There were plenty of trees just outside of Max’s house, close enough that the plan could work but not close enough that he would be spotted by Billy or their parents. And there were plenty of trees that were perfect for climbing up, climbing down, and hanging out for long periods of time until the trap was sprung. In a campaign, he would have to rely on Dustin or Will to cast a spell to remove invisibility, but in the real world, paint could work just as well. And if he was wrong, few things could survive paint cans being swung at them from high velocities.

Steve told him to always talk to him before he fought the monsters, but this wasn’t really a fight-the-monster kind of mission. This was a scouting mission. And that was his job as the Ranger.

* * *

It was becoming increasingly common for Will to wake up from a nightmare. What was less common was him waking up at midnight with pain shooting up his leg, and from a nightmare that had nothing to do with the Upside Down and the Mind Flayer.

He waited until the pain subsided before he got out of bed and grabbed his walkie talkie. He rarely called Lucas on the walkie-talkies since they lived too far apart, but he had to make sure.

“Lucas? Lucas, do you copy?”

He waited as he took a deep breath, in for 5 seconds and out for 10, just like how Hopper told him to do, then he tried again. And he tried again, and again, for what was at least 5 minutes but felt like forever before he finally got an answer.

“He’s not here, loser.” Erica. “Wasn’t he supposed to be sleeping over with you?”

“He’s not?”

“No! Now knock it off and let me get some _sleep_.”

She didn’t say _over and out_ , but Will could get the message. Lucas wasn’t there. And it could have been nothing, he could be going out and doing normal teenager things, expect they weren’t normal teenagers, and Will never would be.

Jane’s house(?) was even farther than Lucas, but that didn’t exactly matter when you were radioing someone who routinely intercepted transmissions from Russia for a few years. It took a lot less time for Jane to answer, and she came in loud and clear.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think something happened to Lucas.”

Will had never spent much time with Jane outside of the other members of the Party. He didn’t really know what to expect when he called her, other than she was the only person he could call. So he was especially thankful that she wasted no time asking questions that Will did not know the answers to, and immediately stepped into her Mind Place.

In for 5 seconds, out for 10. Repeat, until you forget the heat and the cold, the feeling of being lost and trapped, the feeling of being trapped in your own _skull_. Repeat until you forget his presence in the back of your mind, and how it doesn’t really feel like it’s gone away, just changed into something new.

“He’s fine for now.” Jane said, shaking him out of his thoughts. “But we should hurry. There are monsters.”

* * *

The plan had worked for about an hour. Lucas had been nodding off when his alarm cans went off. He followed the direction of the sound and sent the paint can flying. And it had hit something, sending it backwards as blue paint tumbled out of the can and gave it shape. But then Lucas had to go and check on it, only to stumble on it and fall directly on it.

His ankle was twisted. Maybe sprained; he’s never experienced either and he was trying _really hard_ not to focus on the pain for now. The point was, he was stuck, half-lying on a monster and waiting for more to find him.

Lucas wasn’t sure how long he was there, waiting for the pain in his leg to die down and trying to figure out if he could crawl back to his house, when he saw the flashlight heading towards him.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Max stormed up to him, hair tied in braids and one of Billy’s denim jackets thrown over her lacy nightgown. It was the most beautiful thing Lucas had ever seen.

“I’m _trying_ to take care of the monsters.” Lucas said, like it was obvious.

“And how’s that going for you?” She said, folding her arms.

“I…fell out of the tree like a doofus.”

“Damn right!”

“How’d you even find me here?” Lucas asked.

“Walkie talkie. Will said you were in trouble near my house.” Max said. “Just be thankful my _dad_ didn’t hear it when it went off.”

“Your dad? What about Billy?”

There was that look again; eyes wide, darting back and forth as she tried to find a way out.

“Max, please. You can tell me.” Lucas said.

“Fine, he’s a jackass too, okay?”

“Like on a scale of one to Billy—”

“Worse.”

Lucas felt a lump form in his throat as his words died there. How can anyone be worse than Billy? How could Max be living like that?

No, those were the wrong questions to be asking. What he should be thinking was: what could he do about this?

His thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of jingling cans. His alarm. Another monster?

They didn’t waste any time. Max scooped him up, carrying him bridal-style as she ran. She didn’t go towards the house, instead running somewhat aimlessly through the woods and onto the road until they found Steve’s car.

Lucas was shoved into the passenger seat. Max crawled into the back, where the other Party members were talking all over each other.

“Okay, stop it, STOP IT!” Steve shouted. That got them to shut up. “Lucas, what the hell?”

“I think they’re Invisible Stalkers.” Lucas said.

“Well, shit!” Dustin said from the back.

“I don’t give a shit about monsters!” Steve said. “I wanna know why you thought it would be a good idea to go outside in the middle of the night and fight them with no backup!”

“I wasn’t fighting them. I was _scouting_.” Lucas said.

“And then he fell out of the tree like a doofus.” Max said.

“HEY!”

They were talking over themselves again, and it took Steve honking the car horn until they stopped.

“They’re invisible, right? So we needed a way to spot them before we could fight them.” Lucas said. “We had plenty of paint left from when we painted Erica’s room. So I set up some traps that would dump paint on them, and some cans that I could swing at them if they got too close and I needed to defend myself. And some alarms with cans of soup.”

For once, the car was completely silent.

“Did it work?” Steve asked, trying too hard to sound angry when he was impressed.

“I got one. But there’s at least another one out there.” He said.

“I’ll go.” El spoke up.

“And I’ll cover her.” Max added.

“You’re all going to cover her, because I have to take care of Doofus’ ankle here.” Steve said.

“Really?” Mike asked.

“Don’t have much of a choice here!” Steve said.

“I’ll keep them safe, Steve.” El said.

They pulled over, and the Party scrambled out of the backseat. It was just him and Steve now. Steve faced forward, not looking him in the eye, fingers drumming on the steering wheel. It was the same act his mom pulled whenever he was really in trouble.

“I’m not mad.” He said.

His mom pulled that one too. But Steve was not his mom.

“Yes you are.” Lucas said.

“You’re right, I’m pissed!” Steve said, his mask shattering as he pounded his hands against the wheel. “What were you thinking?”

“I just…have you ever seen Max scared?” 

“I try not to pay attention to the emotional experiences of middle schoolers.”

“Well I haven’t. Not even when we went to go rescue Will. But she told me about these monsters, and she was scared. So I had to do _something_.” Lucas said.

“And why did you have to do it alone like a dumbass?’

“Because I don’t thinks she’s scared of the monsters.” Lucas said. “I think she’s afraid of her family. And that’s a monster I don’t know how to fight.”

“I don’t know either, kid.”

Steve wasn’t angry anymore, but Lucas wasn’t sure if he was better off. Steve sounded so…resigned. Hurt. Scared.

It was bullshit.

“Why not? We already fight monsters on a semi-weekly basis, why can’t we handle some beefy guy with worse hair than you?” Lucas said.

“We’re not fighting monsters!” Steve said. “You’re falling out of trees, the rest of you little shits are wandering into danger, and _I have no idea what I’m doing!”_

“You fought monsters before—”

“Yeah, because I stupidly wandered into Jonathan and Nancy’s batshit plan. And then you guys dragged me along into an equally batshit rescue mission. The fact is, I’m not actually cut out to deal with all this…batshit!” Steve said. “And you shouldn’t be, either! You should be worried about Dragons and Dungeons, or what to get your punk-ass girlfriend for her birthday, not fighting monsters, and especially not fighting them on your own! Now put your feet up on the dashboard so I can start making my excuses to the hospital!”

Stunned silent, Lucas complied. Steve shifted in his seat, poking and prodding at his ankle in silence that was only interrupted by Lucas hissing in pain.

“It’s sprained. Could be a lot worse.” He said. “Here’s what we’ll do: we’ll get you into your house tonight, you’ll sneak out tomorrow and tell your parents when you get home that you had a bad fall in gym. I’ll take you to and from school. Probably also have a brace lying around from when I sprained my ankle freshman year; it should fit you alright…”

“We’re really in over our heads, aren’t we?” Lucas asked.

It had been something that was nagging at him all the way back since the day they found El. He wasn’t sheltered like El, and he wasn’t stupid like Steve; he knew this was something that normal kids didn’t have to deal with. But now it was setting in just how scared he was.

“Yeah, we are.” Steve said, all resigned and hurt and scared again.

Lucas didn’t like that feeling.

“But that’s not going to stop us, is it?” Lucas said. “I’ve got my punk-ass girlfriend to worry about, and you’ve got Jonathan and Nancy, too. And if we don’t deal with it, who will?”

Steve was silent for a moment.

“No, no it’s not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter summary: Max mentions to Lucas that she believes there are monsters in her yard. Because of her favorite term and the fact that she cannot see them, Lucas concludes that it's most likely an invisible stalker. He asks if she wants him to check it out, but Max panics and leaves before he can ask any other questions. Lucas concludes that she's worried about the possibility of Billy seeing them, and decides to solve this in the most Home Alone way possible: by setting out traps of paint cans that he can swing towards a nearby monster, not only hurting it but also dumping paint on it that they can use to identify them later.  
> On the night Lucas starts his trap-building, Will wakes up from a nightmare with a shooting pain in his leg. He tries to radio over to Lucas, only to find that he left his walkie-talkie at home and lied about where he was going to his family. Will gets in contact with El to get the rest of the Party to find Lucas.  
> While Lucas's traps were a success, he ends up tripping over the body on an Invisible Stalker and spraining his ankle. Max saves him, and Lucas discovers that she was more concerned with her father finding them together than Billy. While the rest of the Party uses Lucas's traps to fight the rest of the Invisible Stalkers under El's guidance, Steve and Lucas have a heart-to-heart. Lucas is frustrated that Max is in such a bad family situation and wants to do something about it. Steve admits that he has no idea what he's doing. Both admit to being in over their heads, but have to keep doing something to protect the people they care about.


End file.
